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Right Up Your Alley

by The Shits

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β™« AWal β™ͺ What the shit? This 𝘳𝘦𝘒𝘭𝘭𝘺 π˜ͺ𝘴 the shit. I'm not shitting you one bit...Holy shit... Favorite track: Talkin' Shit.
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1.
We're The Shits 03:00
lyrics
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We're The Shits, and we don't give a shit We'll cram it up your bum and then give it a lick We'll kick your arse, and find it funny Do a poo that's nice and runny Vimto beating Drums with attitude Fatty dropping shit Like he's on the loo Snotty on the lead Doing crazy licks And my name's Gnashers, time to get my kicks We're The Shits Fuck your mum We're The Shits Up the bum We're the shits and we're not in a hurry You look like the type that we love to bully Fatty sits on your lap as he takes a crap And then you'll get a taste of what The Shits are about That's right, ladies and gentlemen, we're The Shits And if you don't like it you can go fuck off and cram it up your fucking bumhole Yeah so why don't you eat shit and climb up your granny's arse, you fucking bastards
2.
You're Fucking Dead 02:53
lyrics
I got a slingshot in my pocket But I ain't got no tomatoes I'll fish what I can out of the bog And we'll see how far it goes Shit on your face Shit on your shirt Shit on your shoes Shit on your girl Shit all over the front of your car Watcha gonna do? It's a four on one, mate (You're dead) So you'd better run, eh? (You're dead) So, you wanna try us? Try to walk on by us You'll never ever try it again Because you'll be fucking dead I found a wedgie in your trousers And it's begging for release We'll wrap your knickers up around your bonce And you'll be gurning like the Mona Lisa Shit on your face Shit on your shirt Shit on your shoes Shit on your girl Shit all over the front of your car Watcha gonna do? It's a four on one, mate (You're dead) So you'd better run, eh? (You're dead) You think that you got what it takes? (You're dead) To mess with the Shits? (You're dead) So, you wanna try us? Go on you stupid bastard, try to walk on by us You'll never ever try it again Because you'll be fucking dead
3.
Pissbag 02:35
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Bleugh! What's that bag you've got beside your bum? It looks like a bag of Capri Sun! There's a straw going up your shirt That leads to aw, my fuckin' ell! It's a Piss bag It's a piss bag It's a piss bag Urine for a treat! If you don't piss during urination How we gonna give you your initiation? If you don't take a pee by going to the loo Then we'll ju st have to bring the loo to you It's a Piss bag It's a piss bag It's a piss bag Urine for a treat! We're gonna slap it, slap it, slappa the bag We're gonna slap it, slap it, slappa the bag We're gonna slap your bloody piss bag Gonna make you weak down to your bones We're gonna take the piss out of your crohns gonna take the piss out of your bag And pour it on your head, my son Piss bag Piss bag Piss bag Piss bag Piss bag Piss bag Piss bag Piss bag
4.
We'll Bugger Your Face 02:36
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Fatty might look friendly as he's eating some chips Snotty looking smart as he's studying licks Vimto and yours truly, we're the handsomeest But if you look the wrong way we're gonna bugger your face Yeah you're really for it now We're gonna hold you down and then wait Till you open your mouth, and then we'll bugger your face Yeah you heard me right with the words that I'm tellin We're gonna slap a cock around the side of your melon It's a surprise, you won't have time to brace Because before you even know it we'll have buggered your face Metaphorically speaking! Alright! Oh yeah! We'll bugger your face! Yeah, you might be thinking I've made me some new mates Sure, Vimto, Snotty, Fatty all seem pretty great But when Gnashers joins the crew don't you dare hestitate To get the fuck out of there cause then we'll bugger your face Yeah you're really for it now We're gonna hold you down and then wait Till you open your mouth, and then we'll bugger your face Maybe we're just jokin, maybe we're just mucking about Maybe we're just messin', maybe we'll not go near your mouth Only joking! Or are we? We're gonna bugger your face We're gonna bugger your face We're gonna bugger your face We're gonna bugger your face
5.
Being Snotty's Easy 02:28
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Don't need to know much about politics Other than they're all a pile of pricks! Don't need to keep your mohawk straight Unless you wanna look like a garden rake! Don't need to play really, really shit Then wonder why noone's at your gig! You don't need to try so hard to be snotty! It's actually really easy Write some words that'll make you queasy Do a few licks like my main man Snotty Now you've got a punk song Being snotty's easy! Come on then, let's be 'avin' ya! Let's see your snotty side! Don't need to jump around like a tit And pretend that you like the mosh pit! Don't need to smell like a bag of poo Try a shower every day or two Don't need to shave your bonce like a cock Then you'll really look like a big cock! Honestly, it's not so hard to be snotty! It's actually really easy Write some words that'll make you queasy Do a few licks like my main man Snotty Now you've got a punk song Being snotty's easy! And I'll tell ya another bloody thing for certain No matter how hard you try to be snotty You'll never be as snotty as The Shits! It's actually really easy Write some words that'll make you queasy Do a few licks like my main man Snotty Now you've got a punk song Being snotty's easy!
6.
Wot A Palava! 02:11
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When you want to sit down, and you're about to eat And fatty comes along and takes a crap on your seat Wot A Palava! Then when you're starving, waiting for the bus and Snotty comes along and kicks you hard in the nuts Fuck! Nowt to do with me Nowt to do with me I'm minding my own business! Wot a palava! Don't ask me, I didn't do nuffin! Sitting on the bus and you think you're alone When Vimto comes along and slaps you hard in the bone! Now you're upset and at the end of your rope And you come to me looking for a little hope That you're able to end it all with a plea When you find out it was me! And just what are you going to do about it? I don't think you have the balls To stop anything that we have started You're gonna hit a wall! I don't think you understand your position You don't count as opposition Sling you about till you're a pile of bruises You want a clash? You'll be the one that loses! It's all to do with me! It's all to do with me! We're doing Our favourite thing Giving you some shit! We're never got stop giving you some shit!
7.
Fanny Magic 03:38
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It's time to clap For the king of disco flaps Growler wizard coming through For I won't waste a bit Of time on your clit Every second counts on your poon It's fanny magic! It's fanny magic! Performing fanny magic just for you Here's my deal, if you jive and you squeal Then you tell all your mates Because I really want a taste! Performing fanny magic like only I do! Vimto keeps the time but I can tell a rhyme That'll have you jumping through the roof! Fanny magic just for you! For you! For you! Give us a lick For I don't need my dick To send you straight to the moon And once I'm done Give me a go on your mum Because I think she might need some too! Fanny! Magic! Don't need my wand for this trick! Don't care if it's smelly Or looks like a welly! I'll do some magic on you! It's fanny magic! It's fanny magic! Performing fanny magic like only I do! So let me put a spell on you! Let me put a spell on you!
8.
Talkin' Shit 03:00
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Oi! Did you hear about this? Get a load of this then! Little Georgie who lives down the road well he once shat his pants There was no paper so he used his hands My pal Jimmy Said that you're a prick So you'd better go and punch him! We're spreading rumours! We're talking shit about you You got a problem with it? Cause if you tell us... We're gonna kick your arse! From here to Barking! You'll be screamin! "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Johnny Peters from Bradwell Ave He once sucked off his dad To pay off outstanding debts that he had Susie Perkins Doesn't have a fanny She has a little willy! Still spreading rumours! We're talking shit about you You got a problem with it? Then we'll kick your arse! Now everybody's talkin about you They all reckon the worst things about you That's it for us, now it's time to go home Time to go to bed And rest up our heads For another day of rumours That's our sense of humour!
9.
Not Your Heroes 03:21
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We're The Shits, and all of the girls, they want our numbers They're soaking wet and we're only on the second verse We can play heavy, we can fuckin rock We can play stupid for all the mohawks No matter what your flavour, if you eat shit Then we're right up your alley, we're the fucking tits However! Don't stand waiting outside after the gig Cause we'll take a piss in your fucking face Never meet your hero, cause if it's me and my nose is all runny Oi, oi, oi It's going all over you (We're not your heroes) It's going all over you (We're not your heroes) It's going all over (Yeah it's going over ya) What are you gonna do? No matter the time, no matter the line-up, noone's in their seats For The Shits, they have it all when it comes to your snotty needs We can play metal We can chug hard We can play punk for all the retards No matter what your flavour, if you want hit Then we're right up your alley, come on and dive in Don't stand waiting outside after the gig Cause we'll take a piss in your fucking face Never meet your hero, cause if it's me and my nose is all runny Oi, oi, oi It's going all over you (We're not your heroes) It's going all over you (We're not your heroes) It's going all over (Yeah it's going over ya) It's going all over you! No we're not your heroes No we're not your heroes No we're not your heroes No we're not your heroes Yeah, if you think I'm gonna stand out the back of the venue, Tell ya thanks for coming and sign you a wittle autograph Well the only thing that's getting signing is your bloody face With my snotters, because It's going all over (Yeah it's going over ya) What are you gonna do?
10.
Little Bastard 03:12
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Little bastard picks his nose Then he wipes it under the seat (Ye little bastard) Little bastard cracks his toes As the teacher's trying to teach (Ye little bastard) We all know where he's going Straight to boarding school! And we'll miss him! The little bastard! Little bastard picks his arse And he'll hold it up to your face (Ye little bastard) Little bastard takes no shit And he'll put you in your place He's a good bloke really He's our bestest mate (Ye little bastard) Time to send you off then See ya later little bastard! We'll be here when you return To make more stomachs churn So with each and every passing day We'll run this place the Little Bastard way! Great fun while it lasted Salute, Little Bastard! Some say they hear the screams of a weed Come from Feltham in the summer breeze So next time you steal or bully Salute him!

about

"What is this shit? I had planned on just sampling one or two of the songs, but ended up listening to the whole album. Amazing. True punk rock. Wot A Palava!"

"How is this so good?"

"I come across this and smile... Like a big fucking smile, the biggest smile even. Creative individuals like these make our daily day better. Thanks for this ingenious piece of work."

credits

released November 13, 1991

Vocals: Gnashers Shit
Bass: Fatty Shit
Guitars: Snotty Shit
Drums: Vimto Shit

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about

The Shits London, UK

The nastiest, hardest, rockinest, most controversial punk band of the 80s. Gnashers, Snotty, Vimto and Fatty Shit have been combining British snot with East Bay hardcore since 1987.

"Oh yeah, The Shits. Bloody marvelous, they were. Proper blew me away." - John Lydon, Sex Pistols

"Fatty once stole my face paint and covered his arse with it" - Dave Vanian, The Damned

"I love them" - Ted Nugent ... more

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